In reflecting on what prevents us from decentering therapy and cultivating emotional intimacy in a variety of relationships, I’ve been pondering on how mononormativity, often manifesting as relationship hierarchy and compulsory monogamy,¹ intersects with capitalism to devalue community-oriented relationships and thus, care. While therapy definitely has its benefits and can be incredibly valuable as a life-long support for many, I would prefer to see more decentralized care webs in which therapy is one of many sources of care. Unfortunately, due to the decentering of intimate platonic relationships and community care, it is quite common (among those who can afford therapy) for a therapist to be the main person on whom people rely for emotional support, potentially after a romantic partner. In resistance to neoliberal tactics that divert the need for sociopolitical change to the mental health industrial complex, my goal as a therapist is to help client community members need/rely on me less. I worry about relegating emotional support needs to a professionalized individual, rather than committing to cultivating a more generous web of relationships that can help address our many emotional needs. I worry about the overemphasis on a service that individualizes wellness and is implicated in neoliberal and capitalist structures of care. As a therapist, I am skeptical of the pedestalization of therapy as a primary mode of healing.

Stranger Intimacy by Nayan Shah